Well you know how holidays, even extended travels, are meant to be exciting and a little relaxing - well I so don't fit the bill - It's Day 2 of my stay in Texas and I'm a little freaked out:
1. I found a panic button in my new bedroom last night. Panic is one of those words that does what it says on the tin - I started panicking..... Why would people need a panic button in their own home and in their bedroom for that matter? Is there a swarm on killer cockroaches on the rampage? The floor is full of air conditioning vents so I imagine that's where they'd swarm from. {N.B. I met what I can only assume was one of their cousins, hiding under the bed yesterday - big orange bugs with antennae that scuttle are now on my hit list and guaranteed to make my BP quadruple - eek} Is there a prison, mental health establishment or an armoury in the locality and I need to be on full alert? The bedroom has four doors so hypothetically 'they' can come from anywhere. Typically I sleep facing the door as that's how I feel safe. Last night I discovered that was a tad impossible unless I want to become permanently contorted Girl on a Mission. Are the neighbours just really unfriendly? Is this just a safety precaution against the gun culture here? OMG what happens if I accidentally push the panic button - it is on the same control panel as the lights - heeeeeeeeelp.
*Deep breath* and a walk to quell my imagination/ check out the neighbourhood for any gun shops/ institutions/ unfriendly looking neighbours. I did get honked at and automatically started waving back as you do when someone does the friendly 'hey you honk' until I realised that waving at two strange men in a strange neighbourhood was probably not a good idea. Heeeeeeelp.
2. During my walk, I was nonchalantly enjoying the sidewalks - they have pavements here sooooooooooo freaking happy!! Safety first!! - when I tripped on the uneven concrete slabs, stubbed my toe and went flying and wrecked my sandals. Cue limping home along the now cursed sidewalk ;-)) So now a little freaked out as I realised that I was really lucky I didn't break my ankle or head on the concrete but that had I broken something I had no way of calling for official help as I don't know how to call the emergency services - I thought it was 911, Vodafone tells me it 122 or something and does that even work when calling from a UK mobile? P-A-N-.... Additionally with my sandals out of commission I am now down to two pairs of shoes - my trainers and my monkey shoes - my friend is so not going to be impressed when she picks me up to run some work errands and I resemble a tramp. Not a great second impression.... -I-C-K-E-D.
*Deep breath* and a gentle walk to the walk in closet to re-examine non-existant footware possibilities.
3. To lighten the tone of this post as this is really just me being a numpty and stoooopid, it was only as I went to make some dinner last night that I realised that there was not a scrap of cutlery or any cooking implements anywhere. Not a spoon, fork, NADA. Can you tell cooking is not a natural forte? I just don't think about these things EVER. Well fortunately I had a ready cooked chicken breast in the fridge, since dining out is not an option given my previous exploratory excursion into deepest surburbia, so I literally went caveman and chowed down on that (nom nom), some tomatoes and pistachio nuts - thankfully there was no-one around to see me eat with my paws *dignified!!*. For the record yoghurt isn't drinkable from the carton. It just gets messy! Cereal is also an interesting prospect.
*Deep breath* and a walk to the bathroom to clean up!
4. To take my mind off things and {try to} keep out of trouble - I turned to my favourite past-time: my email inbox - except Hotmail is on the fritz and will not allow me to open, file, delete or respond to emails without me logging in and out and refreshing the browser 20 times a minute or suggesting that someone has hacked my account. Nooooooooo and why would anyone want to hack me and my glitter newletter subscriptions ;-)) ?! As I am unable to open, read and action an email in 5 seconds the current state of affairs is just impossible. BUT I don't want to lose all the emails, my correspondence and my life for the past 10 years - full on PANIC. What to do?????????????
*Breathing isn't even an option at this stage*
5. So instead I turned my attention to the scary topic of transportation. Since I need to be more independent here - my dear friend has a full schedule with her babies and her own life *totally understandably* and I need to find ways to alleviate my hyperactive imagination and find actual not imaginary ;-)) people to interact with so I have been checking out my transport options for getting around. I know buses and public transport aren't the thing to do here but I'm a tad worried hiring a car will drain all my travel funds in a nanosecond and since I've been using buses happily since I was 7 years old, busing it is kind of second nature to me. Well I checked out the bus timetable and there are 2 bus routes near me - wahooo, both go downtown and other places - wahooo and there are a total of seven buses a day - what...... wait. Seven buses a day. OMG. My bus enforced curfew means that I will be home and waiting by the panic button ;-)) by 6.30pm every night. No late nights for me.
*Slow Deep breath* People really do take safety seriously around here! xx
Post Script: Potential Panic Station Numero 6: At what point should you start worrying whether you've been ripped off and that you are way too gullible/ trusting? I commissioned some work a couple of weeks ago, paid upfront and in full for it, as per the terms and conditions and the deadline for completion is just about to whistle by and I've not heard even a peep despite some friendly enquiries. *Starting to feel like I've been ripped off big time and that I am indeed a totally gullible sucker*
*Cue reaching for a brown paper bag and trying not to hyperventilate*
No comments:
Post a Comment