DEFCON 152 :: Project Bikini Commenceth

I hope you are all sitting down. I finally discovered a set of scales lurking in my friend's bathroom today and the news isn't great. To be honest I was expecting it. There have been a few clues:

1. The 18 babybels I inhaled this week. I love these mini cheeses. But 18. SHAMEFUL Adding babybels to the banned substances list right now.


2. The elastic of my PJs digging into me is waking me up in the morning. 


3. I have free rein to an American sized fridge and there's no-one around to count how many visits I make in an evening. *Major Disaster Zone*


4. I feel permanently PMS bloated and my kidneys are hurting from processing way too much protein - alright, alright cheese and I'm tired all the time.


5. I know where I can source some european tasting i.e. palatable chocolate in American surburbia: You can put an ocean between the chocolate and the chocoholic but the chocoholic just gets resourceful  ;-))


6. I haven't gone for a run in about a week maybe more.


7. I've noticed and counted the ways the redesigned google altered over the weekend.


8. I've discovered the settee has a LA-Z-BOY reclining function: Cue weekend mara-DVD-athon: These are my current recommendations:

• 'How do you know' with the always amazing Reese Witherspoon - pretty good plot and characters for a fairly stock one woman two guys decision rom com 


• 'The Switch' with Jen Aniston - a story that's a bit too close to Jen's 'no man but wants a baby' current life situation for comfort BUT an incredible script with one liners that resonated so much. I will be quoting from this film for months - warning you now ;-))


• 'The Blind Side' - great film and a tear jerker - but a film you can really only watch once.


• 'I am Number Four' - you probably need to be a 15 year old boy to truly enjoy this


• 'Country Strong' - that slightly irritating Leigh girl from Gossip Girl unexpectingly sings A LOT in this aka ruining this for  me

Enough DVD chat - back to the exploding waistband crisis: Whilst I knew I'd been heading in the wrong direction - converting 152 into metric to get a true picture of the damage has been tricker than I expected: My phone calculator and I are now at war.

152 is 10 stone 8lbs according to my phone. (I like to check my maths as mental arithmetic is not my strongpoint) 10stone 8lbs... the left side of my brain was immediately relieved that the damage wasn't as bad as I and my too tight waistband expected BUT then the right lobe kicked the left lobe's butt for being such a gullible idiot. 152 = 10 stone 12lbs. My phone is tripping. My maths isn't THAT bad.

10lb gain in a month. Pregnant people don't gain that much. CR........

.....AP doesn't even come close. Especially as I have a photographic date with my bikini on the beach in exactly 6 weeks. Thanks Hannah for that final challenge. Remind me to hex you sometime ;-)) It's going to be horrendous. Warning you now.

But I don't like to enter 'my life is ruined' zone without a fight and since I have a good exercise going with Crossfit - I am already planning to up that to 4/5 sessions a week now that my muscles are emerging from the shock and adding 2 x 5-7km runs a week with one complete rest day a week - SO my main focus is kerbing all the unnecessary eating - especially in the evening. That's like 80% of my daily calories! Since there is no-one here to actually shame me - you are all going to have to do that for me and keep me accountable. For the next week to kick the snacking habit of late I will post a photo EVERY time I visit the kitchen after 6pm - the threat of public shame should be enough BUT you have to tell me off for any unnecessary trips. You promise? Thank you.

Plus I have come up with a couple of food distracting evening activities guaranteed to keep me from overeating. Firstly the Crossfit gym have a self-appointed Social Coordinator and I have ensured that I am on speed dial anytime there is annnnnnything going on. (I am always very well behaved (eating wise) when I am with other people). Then for the evenings when I am home alone with only the fridge calling my name - I have discovered a new diverting and crucially hilarious past-time which I will share soon. No TV AND no chocolate makes you uber inventive. Guaranteed! Plus I'm initiating a 9.30pm curfew for when I am home alone. Sleep apparently dissolves fat and I need allllllll the help I can get for the next six weeks ;-))

That's enough oversharing for one evening! Plus it's 9.30pm xx

p.s. I have an All-American 4th July Extravaganza post I'm desperate to share but the 17 photos I just tried to upload killed the mobile internet hub.  I will hijack Starbucks' wifi tomorrow and share with y'all - pinky swear.